They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She's the barista slut.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
