it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
another moral hangover. fuck.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
