My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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