NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
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I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
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I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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