I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
