what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
