i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
