It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
