He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
