are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
