I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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