they need to just BURY HIM!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
