guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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