Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
