she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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