it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
