You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
