drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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