I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
