The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
