Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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