my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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