How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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