it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
