he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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