my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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