Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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