dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
