I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I checked into jail on foursquare
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
