Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
