I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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