Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we're making bets on your personal life
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
