as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
