Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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