Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
