I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
