And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
