I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
