Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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