Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
