I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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