I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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