I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
