Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
