I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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