like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
