Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
