i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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