you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
