I haven't been this sober since birth.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
