Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
