I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
