I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize