I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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