I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
