brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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