Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
