i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
