My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
