Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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