So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
this just has baby written all over it
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
