It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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