is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
