Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize