Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
