I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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