When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
