Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
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He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
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I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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