i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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