My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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