Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
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I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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