oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
