i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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