i was born a porn star she said
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
