i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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