DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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